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Feeling broken? Only seeing your flaws? Sometimes those things we feel are flaws are actually what makes us unique, special and extraordinary!

I can get caught in that awful loop of beating myself up, only seeing my flaws, only recognizing things I haven’t done instead of giving myself credit for things I have done, getting stuck in self judgment, only seeming to hear my inner critic’s voice, I can lose all my self confidence, let my self esteem dip and things can look pretty bleak.

Over time more and more I have been able to catch this in the moment, pause, breathe, re-set, and then be gentle with myself and allow myself to shift my energy. I can then take first steps towards better self care…and reverse that repetitive loop, replace it with self respect and start to believe in myself! One situation at a time, I’m getting better … and every time I succeed it can get a little easier the next time. I can see that I have grown along my path and although it can be very hard for me to accept, there is unique beauty to the journey I have been on. I am not broken - I am strong - I have been accepting my flaws and see that as I have picked myself up over and over I have filled myself with gold!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I find doing a gratitude list can help. A while back it was recommended I process a gratitude list every morning. I like to think of my blessings: roof over my head and food on the table; a car that runs and being able to afford insurance & gas for it; MY HEALTH…here I go through all my 5 senses thankful they all work, touch and feel my legs that didn’t at one point and give thanks that parts of me are healing but by bit ! I give thanks for my whole support network: great doctors & health providers, my friends, and my family!!! I find after doing this I start off the day feeling much better about myself!

What is on your gratitude list?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selflove #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #COVID19 #Parkinsonism #Concussion #BrainInjury #Migraine #Headache #BackPain #neckpain #PhysicalTherapy #HIVAIDS #PTSD #Stigma #PeripheralNeuropathy #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

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I enjoy watching sports, which can be a distraction from my health challenges. Are there sports, shows you binge watch, or movies that help you too?

Being passionate about sports is a trait my Dad passed on and instilled in me from an early age, and watching and talking about them together was a very bonding experience we had that built over the years. When I was young I was very blessed and had the opportunity to attend a lot of games with him live: football & basketball, some baseball & hockey games, and we even went to Indianapolis for the Indy 500 races twice. His father had taken him to the big race a few times too and to many other games when he was a child, which I think had the same impact on him!

I was never a good athlete, but under his tutelage I became very interested in drama and intrigue with sports and began to understand, appreciate and enjoy all the nuances of the games: teams - their players & coaches, stats, and strengths & weaknesses; types of plays; strategies; the history of the sports; … and I adapted Dad’s favorite teams & players and we followed them very passionately, intently and took the games very seriously. To this day I can get depressed after a game my team loses, and as a kid I’d pout and be in a really bad mood, often for days.

We watched games and followed our teams, not just the games, but almost every day, as we even fought for who got the Sports page first! His excitement, curiosity and dedication were contagious.

As I got older and I moved away to other places I made the “pilgrimage” up to two hours every Sunday to watch football with Dad & on Memorial Weekend went to watch the Indy 500 with him almost every year. We didn’t even miss a minute of games, with Mom being part host, part cook & part waitress … bringing us big homemade deli sandwiches, her legendary guacamole, and yummy desserts she baked. Then during commercials sometimes we would both sprint to different bathrooms for a break, rushing so as not to miss a second of the games!

However, I recently realized I have actually tried to avoid watching big games there since he passed away. I just admitted to myself that over 3 years after he died it still can be emotional watching games in the room where we watched events together. It can be a sad & empty feeling🥲 The first games I watched without him there soon after he died were some of the few things that triggered me to cry when I wasn't processing things well yet. When I sat there in my familiar chair and our team scored I would turn to high five him and saw the empty chair he always sat on next to me and suddenly deeply felt his absence… It was one of the first ways I truly realized he wouldn’t be there to share experiences with me (physically) anymore. It hit me hard. The first time I watched a game without him I completely broke down in tears which was the strongest emotion I had experienced since he died to that point.

I realized that sharing sports with him was so much more than the games, it was something we shared together in almost a ritual format for decades, and looking back I remember how much I always looked forward to being with him for each coming game. So I still am deeply invested and tuned into sporting events and that focus can help me to take a break from pain, depression, anxiety, fear & worry. It’s all I think about for that 2 ½-3 hours, sometimes longer.

🏀🏈⚾️⚽️🏒⚽️⚾️🏈🏀

Do any of you take comfort, find refuge, a healthy escape and/or a distraction in watching sports? Or are there other things you enjoy watching like binging episodes of your favorite show? Or watching a movie trilogy over and over? Or watching thrillers that keep you on the edge of your seat, or action or drama movies that take your complete focus like tunnel vision? Or do you enjoy watching nature, animal or history channels? Was sharing them with family a part of your childhood?

What engrosses & entertains you the most? How do these affect your energy and emotions when you watch them? Do you find it a much needed window away from thinking about your health challenges like I do?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #LossOfAParent #Grief #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #HIVAIDS #PTSD #Stigma #BrainInjury #Concussion #BackPain #neckpain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe


@texassonrisa
@sparklywartanks

(edited)
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A little levity and a fun distraction from thinking about our health challenges & harrowing news stories. Some trivia, humor and a Get To Know Me part

I am sorry that I haven’t been very active here at all for a while. I have been dealing with layers of health challenges … much more than even I am used to … with surgery recently, a trip to Urgent Care, a few acute doctors appointments with different types of excruciating pain, serious side effects from two concussions I’ve had in less than a year… like damaging parts of my spine, then rotator cuff injury from overdoing PT, GI problems, and I’ve been holding on tight to keep my mental health balance as my doctor has made major med changes to many of my psych meds trying to help my migraines, lack of appetite and insomnia which have led to periods of deep depression & a short hypomanic period, and nightmares🥲. I have had 4-6+ health appointments a week. It has been very physically and emotionally draining and I have had to step away from the group to focus on self care. I want to give a special thanks to our new co-leader Wendy for doing such a great job keeping things rolling here and supporting you all the way I’d like to have been doing. Things are a little better for me now, so I thought I would offer a little fun for everyone before I resume my usual posts about health challenges…enjoy!

Can you answer all the questions below?

“What is this?” 🎂
“What sport uses this?” 🏀
“What do you do in this?” 🛁
“Where is this🗽?”
“What is this?”🦶
“Where is this in the body?”🦷
“What kind of animal is this?”🏇

OK, that was easy…How many of these can you answer?

“What is the athlete on that animal above called?”
“Do they use hands 🙌 to measure horses?
“What religion is this symbol for?”☦️ “
“What is this?”🫚
“What do you drink from this?”🍶
“What is this?🏏
“What sport is this?”🤽‍♀️
“Where is this?”🗿

For those my age and older:
“What is this used for?”📽️
“What gaming system is this from? 🕹️.
What is the hardest game to play on it?
(This obviously depends who you
ask, but I’ll take any mentioned by the
most gamers)
“What is this and who makes it?”🎙️
“What was the first album released on these?”📀
When was it released?
*This is kind of a trick question!*
“What is a 12” version of this called?”💿
Hint: It came out 4 years before CDs!
What company made the first player
for these?

How many can you answer?
***WITHOUT Googling them!***

Bonus questions: Get To Know Me”

“What song is my very favorite to listen to on these at the gym?”🎧
“What was the name of the hardest climb I ever did?🧗🏻‍♂️
What was it’s rating?
Did I get to the top?”
Hint: It’s in Virginia and the name has an animal in it!
“Have I ever worn a wig, 💄, fake eyelashes, 👗 , and 👠 ?
“Have I ever had black nail polish and worn black mascara?
“Have I ever done this?”🪂?🥋?🏄‍♀️?🚣🏼?🥊?🤿?🎭?🤹?🎯? ⛸️?🛹?🏒?🏉?
Which ones?
Hint: I’ve actually done nine!
Have I ever used a 🪓?🪚? 🪠?🔭?🚬?💉?🔬?🪆?🔑?🛏️?🛒?🚽?🧴?🩹?🪥?
Which ones?
Hint: I’ve used over 10!

****HOW MANY HAVE YOU DONE?
HOW MANY HAVE YOU USED?
WHICH ONES????***

“What would I be sending you on this?”🖨️
Hint: it would really help you with this

——————————————————

Hope this gave you a laugh, challenged you, or at least distracted you from the coverage of the war in Israel/Gaza, politics and natural disasters!

Putting it together sure helped me!

#MentalHealth , #Depression , #Anxiety #ChronicPain , #ChronicIllness , #Disability , #Selfcare , #Selflove , #PTSD , #BipolarDisorder , #COVID19 , #Migraine , #BackPain , #shoulderpain . #PhysicalTherapy , #BrainInjury , #Concussion , #PeripheralNeuropathy , #HIVAIDS , #Addiction , #MightyTogether , #DistractMe , #CheckInWithMe , #IfYouFeelHopeless , #Hope , #InsideTheMighty

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We have reached 2,222 members🎉!! Thanks for being a part of this journey! (There is a special appeal to ALL members below.) Please read! 🙏🫶🤗Moshe

We are growing fast …just passed 2,200 members a few months ago and are at 2,222 today and growing strong! (If you are not a member yet please consider joining us!) This is really exciting to me, we have all put in the effort and as a community we have grown, flourished and have built a sacred place where I hope you all feel at home! You have shown you care for each other, are there for each other and trust each other. This makes me very happy and proud. I envisioned the group would be a place where members would empathize with each other, ask for support, and offer support to others. When we are operating smoothly this experience is so exciting to watch spread & expand.

However, to be honest, I have been very frustrated that there is less activity recently and as our membership grows steadily the number of comments & replies has actually diminished. Our old co-leader Chris is no longer with the group and we need to have others step up and make up for her commitment to regularly respond to posts and comments. This means a collective effort from everyone in the group! I have had numerous layers of serious physical & mental health challenges recently and have had to step back and focus on self-care. This is a time when you can all help me by checking in here and see if there are new posts and hopefully respond.

My last post about hobbies with the image of all the colorful people doing different fun things only got ONE response. And Laura made a great post about disability after that and it got only two responses. When new members have the courage to open up and introduce themselves we want them to feel welcome and supported. Please especially respond if you share some similar health challenges and hopefully offer acknowledgement and encouragement!

This is OUR group everybody and it functions best when members support other members. We all have our varied health histories and with them the knowledge and wisdom we’ve garnered along the way! PLEASE let’s share these with each other. This communal empathy and understanding makes us strong.

Offering your own posts provides more content for the group and can generate great conversations. Write about if you are struggling and need support, encouragement and/or information. Write about how great things are going and share things that are helping you. Pose a question to the group which can excite others to chip in. Or just share a great meme you have found. It can be really powerful for others to see your post as they can then empathize and relate! I would be happy to support your effort if you want to run things by me before you post, I can help finding memes or images if you like, and I will comment on your posts to get the responses going to best support your efforts. I’m here for you and really enjoy the whole process, so please reach out to me if you need assistance or encouragement. I have made well over 100 posts since I started the group and learned a lot along the way! (Please scroll down back in time to find my other posts, you might find some of them helpful😉)

I believe in the power we have as a group and the community we have built. I am so thankful you have joined us and we are all on this journey together!

In service,

Moshe Adler
@moshe222mhc
🙏💥🫶💜🤗💥🙏

P.S. ✡️Happy Rosh Hashanah✡️ -The Jewish New Year. May today mark a time of new beginnings for us all.🌦️⛅️🌤️☀️

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selflove #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1 #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #ADHD #PTSD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #RareDisease #HIVAIDS #PeripheralNeuropathy #BackPain #neckpain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe #TheMighty #MightyMinute #MightyQuestions #Concussion #BrainInjury

@laurascardigno @texassonrisa @xokat @sparklywartanks

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We are in need of a new co-leader for MHC to encourage, empower, & support our members. I make a APPEAL to current members - PLEASE read below!

We are currently looking for a new Co-Leader for the Multiple Health Challenges group. We are growning fast and just passed 2,200 members. This is really exciting to me, however to be honest, I have been very frustrated that there is less activity recently and as our membership grows steadily the number of comments & replies has actually diminished. Our old co-leader Chris is no longer with the group and we need to have others step up and make up for her commitment to regularly respond to posts and comments. This means a collective effort from everyone in the group! I have had numerous layers of serious physical & mental health challenges recently and not been as active as I would like in order to step back and focus on self-care. This is a time having another co-leader to pick up the slack is essential!

My last post about hobbies was actually first posted 16 months ago (when we had at least 1,000 less members) and it got over 200 ❤️ & 👍and 100 comments then! It got only ONE this time. And Laura made a great post about disability after that and it got only two responses as well. When new members open up and post to introduce themselves and then get very little response that is even worse. I fear that new members will see this and not be active moving forward. This is OUR group everybody and it functions best when members support other members. We all have our varied health histories and with them the knowledge and wisdom we’ve garnered along the way! PLEASE let’s share these with each other. Without this empathy and understanding this group is falling short of what I first envisioned when I started the group and what it’s capable of.

For a co-leader I am looking for someone to welcome new members, comment or respond to posts and other comments & replies, and make new posts to the group. It is important for the group to have distinctly different voices to support people because people might relate more to either of us. What is a really good situation is if we both respond to the same posts, welcome new members from different perspectives and provide voices for people that are accessible and relatable. There is a commitment needed that you monitor activities on the group regularly and can respond pretty quickly.

Offering your own posts provides more content for the group. I can assist and support by offering to look at your new posts for feedback and editing before you post if you would like, will comment on your posts to get the responses going to best support your efforts, and I can help finding memes or images.

I look at potential leaders' history of posts and/or comments that have helped and supported others in the past. Willingness to be honest and open about your own health challenges is crucial to best support people.

You will get access to the Community Leaders group and your name will have a “Group Leader” tab next to it up top on your comments and responses so I think people pay attention especially to your activity and wisdom shared from your personal experience. Would you consider joining me on this journey? Let’s have a DM chat to discuss this! Thanks for considering taking on this role!

In service,
Moshe
@moshemhc

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Chronicpainwarrior #Disability #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #BipolarIIDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Schizophrenia #AspergersSyndrome #Autism #Dementia #Concussion #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Cancers #TraumaticBrainInjury #BrainInjury #LossOfAParent #Grief #Suicide #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DistractMe #HIVAIDS #MightyQuestions #DownSyndrome #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #Deafness #neckpain #BackPain #CongestiveHeartFailure #Migraine #COVID19 #PeripheralNeuropathy #LymeDisease #Diabetes #EatingDisorder #Headache #Stroke #Cancer #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Disability #thankful #grateful #CocaineDependence #drugaddiction #Alcoholism #PTSD #EmotionalHealth #physicalhealth #PainAcceptance #Acceptance #relief #Selflove #Selfcare #MentalHealthHero #TheMighty #RareDisease #MightyTogether #RareDisease

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What are hobbies and healthy activities that have helped your mental health?

Typically when people think of self-care, they think of: getting enough sleep, exercising, eating well, taking a nap, meditating, taking a bath or shower, or even going to a spa. But what if a rock concert is more your speed? Or Rockclimbing? Bowling? Backpacking? Fishing? Gardening? Deep cleaning? We are each our own person. What works for you may not work for others, or vice versa. There is no “right” answer as to what hobbies can and do improve our mental health. By sharing what helps you, hopefully other members will be inspired to explore those or other new activities!

I like listening to or making music on my drum. Recently I’ve found listening to podcasts can be very enthralling…entertaining and even educating! At the beginning of Covid Stay at Home I got some Legos and making things with them was fun and a great distraction…so it was a new creative hobby …and using colored pencils filling in mandalas and tattoo flash in adult coloring books (yes, they have these! They can be quite intricate and challenging …or simple) These were surprisingly therapuetc and calming! I love taking the time to create something, finish it, step back, and see the end result of my efforts. It can make me feel really good…proud, accomplished and empowered!

What have you found works for you?

Here’s a quick check-in for if you’re feeling self-conscious about your preferences…

Q: Does [insert hobby here] help you when you’re down?
A: Yes!

Conclusion: Then you’re doing it right, my friends! I am so glad you have found things that help you. Keep exploring to find new hobbies to expand your possibilities and new ways that you can turn to when you’re down or need a boost!

Please share those hobbies activities below — let’s see who has similar ones, or maybe ideas people haven’t thought about but will help them too!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Selflove #Selfcare #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1 #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #ADHD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #RareDisease #HIVAIDS #PeripheralNeuropathy #BackPain #neckpain #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe #mighty #MightyMinute #MightyQuestions #BrainInjury #Concussion #BrainFog #MemoryLoss

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Concussion from rising bus

I was on the bus the other day when the driver sped up to beat a light only to slam on the brakes. I went flying across the seat. Turns out I have a concussion and a back injury from it. I already have acquired brain injury from brain surgery thirty years ago. I feel horrible. #Concussion #Pain

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The article below is full of great ideas on how to find a good new doctor…please add your own experiences, tips and suggestions

Great article that talks about the importance of good bedside manner, doctors that listen, checking your insurance at the start of your search, asking good questions and do your homework of course! It has lots of good ideas especially at the end under “Finding a good fit”…like…

“…During that first visit, think about how the doctor and office staff make you feel, HHS advises. If the doctor doesn’t make you feel comfortable, show respect for what you have to say, know your medical history, and spend enough time with you, then they might not be the one for you.”

Castle Connolly Survey Asks What Patients Want Most From Their Doctors

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #PTSD #Selflove #Selfcare #ChronicIlless #ChronicPain #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #PeripheralNeuropathy #Concussion #BrainFog #ParkinsonsDisease #balance #EssentialTremors #Memory #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #ADHD #RareDisease #ChronicFatigue #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #Faith #FuriouslyHappy #Belief #Love #help #GettingHelp #InsideTheMighty #TheMighty #MightyTogether #DistractMe

Castle Connolly Survey Asks What Patients Want Most From Their Doctors

Finding a doctor seems to be harder than ever, but it’s still a top priority for the majority of people, according to a recent survey.
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Concussion, Migraines, major Balance issues, Parkinson’s, tremors, Neuropathy, shoulder/neck pain, back pain, brain fog, poor memory, and no appetite.

(PART ONE) Please send me prayers, good vibes, healing energy and keep me in your thoughts. It would really be appreciated. It is very hard for me to ask for help…but bedrudgundly I have been parking in handicap parking spaces and recently began using a walker. To be honest I’ve had to! I had four falls at the end of December and I am constantly catching myself from falling over and having to regain my balance and re-direct myself. It is very challenging in my apartment where I have no support and very often find myself leaning against walls and always being very conscious to make slow turns part by part like a clock, and get up from a sitting position very carefully the special way I was taught.

Just this past February I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s with Essential Tremors and balance problems, and had to stop a med I took before bed for over 10 years that may have been causing it and then without it I didn’t get a good night’s sleep for over a month and woke up 3-4 times every night.

Two and a half months ago I had a bad fall at my mom’s, scared her half to death and injured my neck and shoulder. I had just started PT for that when I had another big fall … hard, and my head snapped back as I hit the ground. Later that week I was diagnosed with a concussion and I have seen 5 doctors and had about 10 appointments so far since then and been to a concussion clinic. Then I saw another Neurologist and he confirmed what another said…that my symptoms from my concussion likely will last up to 6 months!!! Thankfully it’s already been 6 weeks but there is 4.5 months ahead. But he was optimistic about the progression I’ve had and said I am on the Path to Recovery! But it sure is a rocky path!

Other symptoms I have had are really bad brain fog and memory issues which have left me having to stop and take a long break to find the right words or even remember where I am in a conversation, and having to look up the spelling or meaning of simple words. These two things are very scary and embarrassing…(please continue to Part Two below)

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #Selflove #Selfcare #Concussion #balance #ParkinsonsDisease #EssentialTremor #PTSD #COVID19 #Migraine #MigraineBrainFog #Memory #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #ADHD #TheMighty #MightyMinute #MightyMoment #MightyTogether #DistractMe #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #relief #Love #PeripheralNeuropathy

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Concussion, Migraines, major Balance issues, Parkinson’s, tremors, Neuropathy, shoulder/neck pain, back pain, brain fog, poor memory, and no appetite.

(PART TWO - please read Part One above first)

…and the Neuropathy and Migraines I already had have gotten much worse. I had started a new daily med for my migraines and I was having much fewer and less intense ones whenever I did have one. But since the concussion I went from only 4 a month back to 12 migraine days in December. They can really hijack a whole day from when I wake up til bedtime, with bad light and sound sensitivity leaving me in the dark with no sound and very sensitive to movement. I have had Neuropathy since I first started my HIV cocktail in 1999 but it had gone from being bedridden to manageable. Since the concussion I have struggled even before I got out of bed, and I also have no appetite at all. I was about 205 before when I got Covid two years ago but weighed in at 192 when I got out of the hospital and rehab where I did PT and OT but I just weighed in at 178. This is too much weight loss!

This week I started PT for movement /balance and will do so 2x/wk for 8 weeks plus OT. I have been doing the exercise I was given so far 3x/day. (Please see the Update at the bottom about a new fall recently that was probably another concussion). And with the newest med I’m on I have gotten some good night's sleep. Every 2-3 nights but still some are better than none. I use a walker everywhere I go for necessary support and have started drinking two Ensure drinks a day to get protein I need with limited eating.

I definitely am not a patient person but this 6 month scenario has me putting up with challenges for 4.5 months more and adapting to my limitations. When it’s not one thing, it’s another. It’s really helpful that I have had serious pain and lived with other limitations much of my life, so sadly it’s not unfamiliar ground and I just hang on. I enjoyed watching football this weekend while stuck in my lazyboy recliner like usual and tomorrow I will park in a handicap parking spot and use my walker to get to yet another appointment. I try not to dwell on the limitations instead I choose to remember I am on a Path to Recovery and I won’t be like this forever.

UPDATE: Sadly, I was going to post this 3 days ago, but just fell again and face-planted and hit my head very hard. I have a gash under my eye in the shape of my glasses which rammed into my face. I cut my lip pretty badly and both places are very swollen and bruised including a nasty black eye. Just the week before my Neurologist was so happy to see I was using a walker because he said “I’m glad you’re using it because the last thing we want is for you to get another concussion” I fear (and feel) that is what I just did!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Concussion #ParkinsonsDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #Limitations #Selflove #Selfcare #COVID19 #Migraine #PeripheralNeuropathy #HIVAIDS #PTSD
#BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #Bipolar2Disorder #ADHD #Tremors #balance #fall #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MightyMinute #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #Love #Belief #happy #DistractMe #BrainFog #Memory

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