Escape

What is your favourite instrument? Bamboo grabs me from the pit of my stomach, if i can give you guys a gift it has to be this. #VigayKannan #hauntingbamboo

Today is one of those days. You know the kind. The kind where no matter what people say, look, do cheering up is just not happening. Short of someone telling me, I won the lottery. My total take home amount after taxes is 1 billion dollars, yeah, cheering up is not in the cards. I am not sure how many others are out there who have these days. These days you feel trapped. Since my divorce, I have no car, and no official income. I live with my retired parents and unemployed brother.(I am not sure why he doesn't even try to get a job but I am sure something is wrong with his spirit. He has mental issues of his own too. So, I try to cut him some slack.) I've been applying for menial jobs just to have some stream of income, with absolutely no success. Sure, I am halfway through a data analytics course. I have been working on this for 3 months. However, that brings in no income. On days like this I feel like I have climbed halfway up the depression hole, only to discover I am still at the bottom. All of the climbing you did yesterday was around the hole, not upwards. Also, by the way, the hole gets deeper every day. On days like this, my 100 square foot room feels like a glorified prison. I know I need to cry. I know I feel like this because I am exhausted and weary of the daily wear and tear life puts on us but there is no way to activate the catharsis because I officially have no one who "gets it". I have no one who gets me. I just want someone to give me a call, tell me, "Let's go have some fun. Don't worry I will pay." I want to get you out of the house. I want to get you away from the oppressive life you live with older Christian puritanical judgmental parents and family on watch, an annoying brother who will not get off the couch and bleeding clipped wings that long to escape this mind and body. Yeah, it's one of those days you have to wait it out.

#Depression #depressed #lonely #hopeless #MentalHealth #exhausted #weary #stuck #prison #catharsis #Isolation #Judgement #Escape #Needabreak #Fun #betterdays #Divorced #single #unemployed #noincome #livingwithparents #careerchange #financialstress#waitingforbetterdays

I read about princes and kingdoms and fame
Of happy endings, true love found in the rain;
My head became full like a dreamers mixtape
Singing songs about happiness, sunshine and grace.

A world built of meadows, dew drops in the shade
Lived within the realm of endless summer days;
Colored by rainbows amid pots of gold
Sheltered between stories yet to unfold.

A picture not basking in hatred or blood
But a dreamland secured, locked in safety and love;
A place in which fear was virtually an unknown
Where worry's left on the doorstep you called home.

This fairytale land is what kept me afloat
Through times of neglect and feeling so alone;
I'd invite to tea friends made inside of my head
To stave off the reality of impending dread.

Of which always came as the lightning did crack
I'd hide in my closet, scared of the attack;
Didn't matter if it was by words or a hand
Each felt like a beating that never would end.

To soothe all the pain, I'd then take off and flee
Into such a land which I called make-believe;
Without it had not a clue how to survive
The contempt and failure that bled straight from your eyes.

And unto this day, although decades have passed
It's still hard to shake what scarred me like cut glass;
Yet no more do I turn to friends in my head
I simply detach and feel nothing instead.

By: Debra Brent
10/01/2021

#PTSD #SexualTrauma #Trauma #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #Depression #Anxiety #Childhoodtrauma #survivaltactics #Escape #DISOCIATION #Detachment #hurting #Grief #Healing #MentalHealth #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #Poetry #Pain #fairytales #Fear #neglect #FearOfAbandonment #Survivor

#Escape
#Distract
#Fibromyalgia
#ChronicPain
#sijointpain
#Migraine
#lightheaded
#whisk me away, wish I could be here everyday !!!

So after a super tough month with my parents visiting with 3 weeks notice, (they were going to come earlier but I told them I needed more time as it was in the middle of school term work) which meant lots of cleaning and cooking beforehand. My husband and I drove to Mission Beach in Far North Queensland (one of the most beautiful places on Earth) last weekend and stayed for 2 nights. Every day we went for Beach walks and I was able to clean up the Beach (picking up rubbish as I walk) and collect shells and dead coral too. I love Beach combing! I was so wound up from their visit (It was great to see my mum, sadly she had advanced Alzheimers/Dementia. My dad is a difficult, controlling Narc so he was not so much fun) but after that little mini break I came back so relaxed and calm.
Really nature is our best friend, its great to get out when suffering anxiety or depression. But getting outdoors is the hard part.

#DistractMe #readingrecommendation #Escape

I am lucky. My parents are housebound, and my mom has dementia. I have claustrophobia and PTSD but can get out and away from the "normal world". Working from home has been hard but i enjoy drives like I did Sunday. See new things. I think it hrlps me feel less trapped in my own mind. #Trapped