power

What's the deal when those sans status, position, influence, low in all known hierarchies not just professional but also within network of family and friends are served with lemons all their life? It could well be other way round too. The repeated failures, setbacks, loss, defeats...what's the significance of the such emptiness from the inside and outside? How does it further sap you of self-worth and your 'being'? You are disempowered. Powerlessness is experienced in all its hollowing, enervating debiltations. Most importantly the world further humiliates you by denying the validity of your grief, your angst and your loss.

'Oh come on... Nothing earthshaking has happened to you... Others have had it worse... you need to move on... You are stewing far too long...You are just making a pathetic display of your misery..' are common ways of dismissing your loss. And then if you already are a person of no social capital and standing, the disregard and dismissal of your grief, depression is even more felt. Many become even intolerant, finding fault a lot more. Your lapses, errors become extremely glaring and inexcusable. Indeed it's not something you can apologise for as your entire self is condemned. You are avoided, cast aside and isolation is complete. You cannot be leveraged by anyone as you are of no practical use. I as a retired school teacher of no consequence suffering from series of losses each iteratively more intense and damaging, is unworthy of empathy leave alone sympathy. My suffering, my loss, my anguish becomes more easily dismissable for my 'being' is of no consequence.

In the gravely instrumental and game mindset world where all are endowed with power to navigate and negotiate their way through, what do completely destitute folks my sorts do? A sense of being vaporised...ignored, denied, constantly contested where the onus of losses, privations, misery are on my own wretched self😔😢 Of course I myself wouldn't consider being bereft of any values, worth and character being fairly well grounded in sociology, history and politics but these are seen to be so merit less in today's instrumental world. My lament, my despair and cries echoes in empty rooms of my house. Absence of power is a double whammy I endure in repeated loops reduced to a scrounging, prostrate, gooey state.
#Grief #power #Anxiety #Loneliness #Shame #SuicidalThoughts

Today was the second meeting of my depression therapy group. It runs from 10-11:30am weekly, and the facilitators were quite strict about attendance and punctuality in the first meeting. I entered the building at exactly 10am after a 30 minute walk to get there (bus drivers are on strike). The receptionist said that they had already gone back to the meeting room and that I had to sit and wait until the facilitator came to check for stragglers. I didn't like being characterized that way since I had arrived on time.

After waiting ten minutes, the facilitator came to get me (everyone else had apparently arrived earlier than 10am). I told her that I had come on time because I was worried that she would think badly of me since she had to interrupt the session to come get me. I asked if I needed to arrive early and she said no. I told her that the situation made me feel very anxious. The session itself went fine, but it took me at least thirty minutes to calm down enough to take it in.

I felt a bit manipulated in this situation by a "moving the goal posts" action - that is, I was told 10am was "on time" but then when I showed up at 10am, I was somehow "late". I know that I was triggered by this because my narcissistic ex used to do things like this to me all the time. It doesn't help that the facilitator was in a position of some authority - I had been on a waitlist for so long and I didn't want to lose the opportunity to be part of this group.

I've had a few of these situations happen lately and while I always maintain my composure in the moment (a lifetime of practice 🙃), I don't like the fallout afterward. I've been feeling it all through my body this afternoon.

I understand that this was a very minor issue, and that no one was hurt by it. But I feel like I am at a place in my journey where I just don't want to deal with these things anymore. "You're going to manipulate me? Fine. You don't get access to my life anymore." It's like an overreactive way to take back my power. I have felt so powerless for most of my life and now that I've learned how to get perspective, I'm just done with it. I don't want it in my life.

Realistically, though, these situations are going to constantly come up in my life because humans do these things. Even I do them to others. I am still figuring out how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.

#manipulation #Gaslighting #movingthegoalposts #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #Therapy #GroupTherapy #power #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

Fade in… Tuesday - it’s 9am and I am laying in my bed wondering how I am going to do anything today and all my usual negative am self talk- blah blah blah….
I push myself out of bed dramatically and think to myself “ I need a good tune to get me going like ASAP.
I choose an R&B song from Dr. Kid and force myself to make the bed as it plays… Before I know it- I am swaying to the music and singing along. And that my friends is the magic of music- at least for me-one of the best ways to combat anxiety, depression and apathy particularly in the morning hours is to put on a few great tunes and have your own private house party. It can’t help with every issue you may have but grooving into your day with some good music can pave the way for a more positive mindset and a more productive day.
Wishing you all peace and joy- Christine

I recently joined 'reddit' and posted a comment on a self harm scar. My comment was insensitive and I will not repeat it here. It was the reply that I received which really opened my eyes to my own trauma.

The reply from the "redditor" was "I am sorry you are feeling powerless over your own body". I never thought about it this way. I know one thing for sure. The trauma took something away from me that day. It took my confidence and my care free attitude and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I want that happy go lucky kid back. The other side of the argument is finally growing up and entering the 'real world'. It could be a combination of both although I consider it was mostly my poor decisions catching up with me.

12 long years have passed since I was assaulted and time has done little to heal the pain. I am just as angry and grief stricken as the day the incident occurred. I was not in control of the situation and maybe this is why I feel the way that I do?

Revenge plays on my mind a lot and I catch myself drifting in and out of seeking vengeance. I have medication which temporarily assists in levelling my emotions and focusing on the here and now.

My mind will play tricks on me from time to time; starting me off on a road of revenge only to lead me to grief and misery. I am of the belief that revenge will do little to heal my pain as the damage has well and truly been done.

#power #powerless #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Friends #foes #Love #hate #betrayal #Depression #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Pain #suffering #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Scars #Trauma #Revenge #rut #despair #hopelessness #self #Selfesteem #Confidence #Happiness #Hope #pleasure #Healing #Recovery #Addiction #selfmedicate #Hope #Emotion #CPTSD #Grief #Survivor

📺 - #Gratitude , Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 60 - tinyurl.com/yckytkh7

🗣 - "Hooray you! Hooray, cisnormative communities, cisnormative environments, cisnormative businesses, and cisnormative lawmakers, hooray that after millennia of #gender -diverse individuals existing in the world, you finally are starting to create a space where they do not get attacked as much."

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - tinyurl.com/nzbr8k27

‼️ - Get engaged!

➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content - https://tinyurl.com/mupvwkcy

✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

👍🏻 - Please #like & #Share !

🔖 - Bookmarks!

* What are the most significant turning points of a #trans person's life?

* How do you be #grateful for anything when all we face are hate and abuse and transphobia by everyone?

* What is something that you would never forgive?

* What are your religious and political views?

* What is the most challenging thing to understand about transphobes?

🔗 - Links!

* When does your transition end? - https://tinyurl.com/bdcp9w6e

* "You mention you don't regret the time lost. How do you do that? I'm starting HRT at 39, but I've been questioning my #gender for 15-20 years, and I'm constantly thinking about what would have happened if I'd figured it #Out or been braver early on." - https://tinyurl.com/2zcxas8y

* Let's Talk About #Sports Emm Bee! - https://tinyurl.com/44xn76r2

* How Presentation Affects Representation - https://tinyurl.com/6cyw8k39

* #Transgender Awareness Week - "Progress takes time, but it should not end with us going back in time." - https://tinyurl.com/mvujbsup

👀 - Create #change !

📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - tinyurl.com/2p98f8hc

📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

💻 - Connect!

@HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

#Instagram : tinyurl.com/5n6dm696

#Facebook : tinyurl.com/6pww46b8

#Twitter : tinyurl.com/26sbj4zb

👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

@TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

📒 - Alt information

* Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 60 - Gratitude, Forgiveness, Turning Points & Transphobes - HIREWHELLER

* Description: A blonde woman wearing a grey long-sleeved shirt is smiling & sitting on a black chair in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

* Captions: Automated

#LGBTQ #LGBT #Pride #equality

📺 - #DwhellOnIt Ep. 59 - tinyurl.com/3pdekfkn

🗣 - "I acknowledge that there are failed systems. I don't go to bed worrying about it. I don't lose #Sleep over it. It's because other #people are failures. Other #people are emotionally intolerant. Other #people are incapable of being compassionate, understanding, educatable, or competent, or however it goes. That's all them. Every time I get deadnamed or misgendered, I stand taller because I'm the better person."

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - tinyurl.com/nzbr8k27

‼️ - Get engaged!

➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - https://tinyurl.com/mupvwkcy

✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

👍🏻 - Please #like & #Share !

🔖 - Bookmarks!

* Do you #Love or hate any #Fashion trends differently since you came #Out ?

* Has anyone ever outed you before you came #Out ?

* What was puberty like for you?

* How do you cope with being deadnamed or misgendered?

* Has anyone from previous relationships found #Out , and have they spoken with you since?

🔗 - Links! 

* Does anyone misgender you whom you wish they wouldn't? Have you confronted them about it? - tinyurl.com/2s4avx9m

* How do you deal with trolls? Is there anything you want to do to trolls? - https://tinyurl.com/mstf6jm9

* What was the best reaction you got after you came #Out ? The worst? The most surprising? - https://tinyurl.com/4ky5hdfu

* #Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - https://tinyurl.com/56b67cr9

* #winnipeg City Council Approves To Prefer #Kindness - https://tinyurl.com/4nf8w4jf

👀 - Create #change !

📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - tinyurl.com/2p98f8hc

📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

💻 - Connect!

@HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

#Instagram : tinyurl.com/5n6dm696

#Facebook : tinyurl.com/6pww46b8

#Twitter : tinyurl.com/26sbj4zb

👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

@TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

📒 - Alt information

* Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 59 - Getting Outed, Getting Older, Trends & Ex-Girlfriends - HIREWHELLER

* Description: A blonde woman wearing a striped grey t-shirt and a grey sweater is smiling & sitting on a black chair in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

* Captions: Automated

📺 - www.youtube.com/watch

🗣 - "Would I stop? Would I go back to a pre-transition life? Would I erase being #trans from who I am as a person? No! Absolutely not! My name is Taylor Lakhryst. I am a #Transgender woman proud to be who I am."

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived #experience as a #trans woman!

📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4

‼️ - Get engaged!

➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - www.youtube.com/TaylorLakhryst

✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

👍🏻 - Please like & #Share !

🔖 - Bookmarks!

* How important is being #trans to your overall identity?

* Do you play games? In what game universe would you want to live?

* What parts of your life have changed since you came #Out as a #trans woman?

* What can you say to a mature #Transgender woman who feels like nobody won't ever love her? FYI, I'm recently divorced.

* Is there anywhere you feel more #Out of place now than before you transitioned?

🔗 - Links!

* #Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d38u-qP8lqg&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1

* Expectations, Responsibilities and Talking to Goldfish - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjyMgY0hBg8&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1

* How Presentation Affects Representation - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvYnMgeH_IU&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1

* Has your #social life changed since you transitioned? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUrOnn4p6ak&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=11&t=490s

* Has romance changed for you since you transitioned? Are you willing to share a fantasy? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcCfwc7oGCc&list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4&index=1&t=1430s

👀 - Create #change !  

📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - act.newmode.net/action/hirewheller/csr

📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

💻 - Connect!

@HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

Instagram: https://instagram.com/hirewheller

#Facebook :  https://www.facebook.com/HireWheller-103322085282334

#Twitter :  https://twitter.com/HireWheller?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

📒 - Alt information

* Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 57 - Being Trans, Playing Games, Getting Loved, and More! - HIREWHELLER

* Description: A blonde woman wearing a grey t-shirt is smiling & sitting in front of a beige wall. There is turquoise text with a grey & black accent.

* Captions: Automated

#Lesbian #LGBTQ #LGBT #Pride #equality

📺 - tinyurl.com/6cyw8k39

🗣 - "Taylor Lakhryst was an undecided voter who participated in a #CBC program called Face to Face during last year's federal election campaign. While being on the show gave her a chance to ask questions of a party leader, she felt CBC's production choices spoiled the experience by making her appear inept and powerless."

❓ - What's #DwhellOnIt ?

👀 - Dwhell On It is a series where I answer your questions about my lived experience as a #trans woman!

📺 - A new episode gets uploaded every week! - https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr2CrTrMJaIzM7ETpDxpMcGHhJ1TPxPq4

‼️ - Get engaged!

➕ - Subscribe for more episodes & similar #Content ! - www.youtube.com/TaylorLakhryst

✉️ - #Comment w/ thoughts & questions!

👍🏻 - Please like & #Share !

🔖 - Bookmarks!

"While you expressed #Gratitude for the #Opportunity to provide visibility on the subject of abuse toward the 2SLBGTQIA+ #Community , you felt that #CBC made choices which diluted your appearance. It left you feeling, if not misrepresented, then underrepresented."

It feels as if #CBC chose to represent me as what I interpret as inept, powerless, and stuck with candy-coated concerns because who I am isn't palatable enough for Canadians who can't cope that #people such as myself strive to inspire and create #change .

#social platforms highlighted my segment as being of the utmost importance on an issue that had not been placed front and centre in the campaign until my appearance.

I continued to focus much of my argument on the treatment of my introductory video. I emphasized how problematic it was that this video highlighted "my love for #Sports and karaoke" while omitting more substantive #Comments about the importance of placing responsibility for bigotry and hate-based abuse on the abusers rather than the victims.

"I'm an undecided voter because" and "Let's be #leaders …" were extracted from two completely different sections of what I provided. #CBC created that line and not me, and I'm not sure if that is conducive to "accuracy."

"You stated that you followed all the directives given to you in advance by producers, yet you were the only one of the four participants given less than 40 seconds of airtime."

"You also reiterated that #CBC exercised poor judgment when it failed to include your exchange about pronouns with #ErinOToole .”

#CBC watered me down and presented me with the safest, most palatable and most comfortable image they could build based on the information I provided.

"Your complaint is, first and foremost, a reminder that the stories journalists tell are not really "theirs." They are the stories of real #people with real lives, ambitions, and concerns."

Journalistic Standards and Practices covers much ground regarding ethical #Journalism but doesn't cover specific circumstances.

"There is more debate to be had about editing your introductory video … it's clear that those producers took two risks with your video."

"On your frustration that the #question you asked on the show was "negotiated," … I worried it meant that programmers were forcing you to ask the questions that they wanted."

🔗 - Links!

How Presentation Affects Representation - tinyurl.com/yc26c89x

Your Friends Appreciate a Random Check-In Call or Text More Than You Realize - Your Friends Appreciate a Random Check-In More Than You Realize

What four undecided voters asked #ErinOToole | Face to Face 2021 - tinyurl.com/2p8ntybn

#Media and #Journalism are transphobic. I was on #CBC News: The National Face to Face - tinyurl.com/5yfc9a65

#Canada Voted In Favour of Policing Women's Bodies! - tinyurl.com/56b67cr9

Is there anything that #people expect you to be good at but are very bad at? - tinyurl.com/br4j293z

#CBC News: The National | #ErinOToole , Alberta's deadly COVID-19 surge, TIFF returns - tinyurl.com/4mvaemvy

👀 - Create #change !  

📣 - End anti-2SLGBTQIA+ abuse! - act.newmode.net/action/hirewheller/csr

📣 - You can #help ! Everything inspiring HireWheller stays ongoing - biased systems, ignorant platforms, violent abusers & isolated victims.

📣 - Grassroots #power comes from its #people ! Get involved or refer others you know to challenge systemic violence & oppression!

💻 - Connect!

@HireWheller: A grassroots group to #help the 2SLGBTQIA+ #Community overcome often-minimized struggles.

Instagram: https://instagram.com/hirewheller

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HireWheller-103322085282334

#Twitter : https://twitter.com/HireWheller?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

👱🏼‍♀️ - Look me up!

TaylorLakhryst: #Transgender woman, advocate, INFJ, ♊️, she/her/hers 🏳️‍⚧️

Linktree: linktr.ee/TaylorLakhryst

📒 - Alt information

* Text: Dwhell on it w/ Taylor Lakhryst Ep. 56 - How Presentation Affects Representation - HIREWHELLER

* Description: A blonde woman wearing a black sweater is smiling & sitting in front of a beige wall. There is white text with a yellow & purple accent.

* Captions: Automated

#Gratitude #Opportunity #social #Sports #Comments #leaders #canadian #gender #grateful #interview #manitoba #News #Out #Respect #Safety #Success #winnipeg #Youtube #active #Activism #Anxiety #athlete #Business #causes #Charity #donate #Energy #equality #Fundraising #Lesbian #LGBT #LGBTQ #Kindness #marketing #Media #nonbinary #philanthropy #Pride