GodInTheMidstOfSuffering

Faith is the key to one's own recovery. #Faith #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering #faithandhope #Hope #MentalHealth

Just Wondering (OOB - 2020)

Would God tell me?
Will He just answer me one question?
Will that be all I get?
Will His answer satisfy me?
Will I finally understand the depth of His thought?
Will I agree or argue, or will I be made whole?

I have listened to the knowledge of men.
I have watched the wisdom of the living up close and from afar.
I have reasoned with the mighty and walked with the wise.
Still their wisdom is un-attaining and their knowledge unfulfilling.
I have listened to the rationalization out of a purported experience
I have struggled at the depth of the understanding of mortals

I am yet to be convinced and maybe never will.
My soul seeks a better plain.
I yearn for a day when my heart’s desire will be fulfilled.
For a day when He finally tells me why.

Why does He do what He does?
Why does He humble one and lift the other?
Why will He call one home and let the other be?
Why would He not allow the joy of the fruit of labor?
Why was He not on the left side, “where He doth work”?
Why do we suffer for no reason?
Why does He seem afar off when you need Him the most?
Why did He take the one you loved the most?
Why did life’s journey feel blurry?
Why does He allow the Weak to be swallowed by the Strong?

I could come up with answers, but I will not be satisfied.
I could imagine His ways, but it will be a waste of time.
I could try to reason my way out, but it will not do me any good.
I can search and learn the depths of Knowledge.
I may conquer the wells of Wisdom, but
Understanding His ways gives peace to the Soul when
God answers the whys of life’s journey.

#ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #Depression #PanicDisorder #DrivingAnxiety #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Christian #Christianity #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering #PeaceInThePain

I am not good at posting on this site but I have been extremely overwhelmed lately. God has helped me keep the little faith I have left even if just hanging by a thread.

TRIGGER WARNING

Hello, I’m new to The Mighty. I am very passionate about mental health and ending the stigma surrounding it. I have lived through severe mental illness, and now work in mental healthcare. I love sharing my story, and hopes it inspires others. Mental illness almost killed me, but I am more content now than I ever have been. Everything in life is temporary, including suffering.

I struggled with anxiety and depression the majority of my life, which I hid behind a constant smile. I grew up with a lot of dysfunction around me, and took on a peacekeeper/caretaker role that led into codependency. I coped by putting all my focus on others, and ignoring my own issues. I struggled silently because I felt that I had to, and that my dark times were normal.

However, in 2019 my world came crashing down, and I could no longer continue to hide my struggles inside. There was a lot going on in my life, and I fell into a deep depressive state. I lost probably 20 lbs, and was unhealthily thin. I was exhausted, but could barely sleep at all. It was the worst depressive state that I had experienced to that point.

In the midst this severe depressive episode, I went through a horrific sexual assault. After that incident, I fell into a state of acute psychosis that made me fearful to continue life. The psychosis was depression congruent. I was utterly hopeless, and I wanted out. The system failed me multiple times, and I did not receive psychiatric treatment until weeks later when I was hospitalized. I have experienced firsthand the devastating impact of the stigma, and the barriers to proper care especially in rural areas.

My recovery was not easy, but throughout my healing, I gained a whole new insight on myself and the world. I learned to truly love myself, and took control of my life back. I also developed a strong passion for ending the stigma surrounding mental health, and helping those living with mental health struggles. I currently work as a caseworker and advocate for others living with various mental illnesses. I want to share my story to inspire others that may be struggling. I am living proof that recovery is not only possible, but it can be a beautiful process. I used to believe that I was weak for struggling with mental health, but I now know that I have enormous strength.

I am still being treated, and have no shame in that. I am an fan of alternative medicine, but also take psychiatric medication daily. Spirituality plays a huge role for me too, and I think my experience with psychosis helped me to determine who my God really is. In a way, I am grateful for all my experiences. Without them, I would not be who I am, and I love this person dearly. Recovery is often a lifelong endeavor, but living with a mental illness does not mean you cannot live a beautiful and fulfilling life.

#Depression #PTSD #Psychosis #MeToo #Hope #strength #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering

#Bipolar2Disorder #Anxiety #CPTSD #CPTSDinrelationships #FibroFog #Fibromyaliga #FibromyalgiaDiagnosis #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #CheckInWithMe #DBT #CBT #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #Flareup #Upallnight #Art #Photography #lonely #Loneliness #sad #god #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering #DatingWithAChronicIllness #ChronicIllness #single #Friends #COVID19 #lonely #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1Disorder #WhatIsAutism #Aspergers #AspergersSyndrome #ThankYou

Have you ever stopped to think about who you were before the laundry list of diagnoses? I have and still yet I see nothing. I don't see myself struggling to breathe, walk, talk, or even get out of the bed. My therapist, the second good one since 6 years ago, doesn't understand how I can't remember memories before the age of 14. He says it's interesting...I say who does that? Which Me remembers and when will she clue me in and not just with these flashes? Have you ever wondered if you could stay in your safe place and not have to live in the world? I have because living in this world, as an adult is scary and stressful. Question...? Who are you today? Idk yet...am I supposed to define myself through the tasks I'm supposed to do (even when I'm having a flareup and have been swollen for over a month, it hurts to even move...burns at my ankles when they have to bend to go down the stairs and meds seem to not work for me anymore)? The jobs I used to have (since medical/mental won't let me keep a career...I was a Case Manager..I used to help people [they magically progressed] even though I couldn't help myself...but now I have to focus on me..whatever that means because it sucks to have to look/work inward while expressing out)? Do I classify myself as "Mom" because my son depends on me (though he's been the one taking the dog out and bringing me cereal to my room and also helping me up after I choose to sit down somewhere..smh...it's embarrassing to say the least but I'm grateful to be raising this young man right) to instill value and morals and to follow God and treat people well even if other people don't do it...Yep I'm Mom but what else? Am I the woman who it seems like every few months gets another diagnosis? S/O to my Me's for looking after me all these years because without them, I'd surely be dead. I'm making sure yall just don't replay the bad stuff by finding ways to express yourselves. Who are we after self-discovery and peace from our Father [God]? We are kind. We are nurturing. We are caring. We are good even when people don't think so. We also can flip that switch, when triggered, even when/how someone phrases their words...written or on paper. We don't need validation anymore from anyone else but selves. Sometimes it's like a board meeting in my head lbvs however whatever works out even if I was asleep. We are....We can own us and the crap we may recklessly get into...nope we've survivors not victims even though we've been hurt [sometimes we say damaged]. We are strong even when weak. We are not the doormat nor any garbage that've found it's way to the ground. We are capable. We are alive. We are diamonds...even through the ashes...we shine.  #Depression   #MajorDepressiveDisorder   #PTSD   #DissociativeIdentityDisorder   #GeneralAnxietyDisorder   #SocialAnxiety   #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder   #Fibromyalgiabattle #sunallergy #weshine   #ChronicIllness   #Thoughts   #Therapy   #question   #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering   #Godislove #god #notlazy

todays progress: spent 4 hours going through crap in the garage. it was hard to purge and let things go that i had all the good intentions in the world to use or build upon or accomplish goals and aspirations. life has changed drastically since those good intentions were conceived. I'm hoping someday, I'll be able to revisit those aspirations but at this point in life, the anxiety of trying to store or save them for a future point is more than i want in my life. theres still more to purge but today was enough i guess. #Letting go #BipolarDepression

my day was ok. the garage purge caused feelings of anxiety to be dealt with. i didn't eat. all i did was chain smoke and drink coffee. the very things that bring us comfort also cause us harm in large doses. took xanax to keep it in check. being at home with my son is lonely during the day. thankfully, he is very bright and creative. he draws and plays with lego's all day. i am
too much for myself to handle sometimes. its a full time
job keeping symptoms and triggers in check. having the roles reversed in my home is difficult for me to accept but it is what it is. we prayed together this evening, asking God to provide the right job for me and for him to strengthen us in this very emotional and trying season of our lives. I have an interview this Thursday, we prayed in advance for peace and clarity of mind to do well in the interview. #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering

my wife is weary and emotional today. She's beginning to understand why i came home all these years and didn't have much left to give after the demands of work all day. i feel guilty that part of this is due to the stress of my unemployment. She is also just saddened to see her husband feel like he has no purpose. She saw me work and move up in the corporate world over the past 12 years and now, I'm applying and cold calling for jobs and doing interviews. We had a financial plan all these years that once she started working, we'd really be accelerating in life. Now that plan has changed. We are both struggling to accept this. I struggle to do what she does effortlessly at home(laundry, meals, being a wonderful mom ) because i've been so 2 dimensional (work and bills) its not that i cant do laundry or make meals but its not as pressing when you feel like a loser.

anyways...if anyone has any encouragement...im all ears. thanks for reading.