Girls

By no means am I blaming football for my mental health problems. I have fond memories of playing sport and being part of a team/organisation. I was gifted with the ball and excelled on the pitch.

It was my father who ruined my experience. It was not enough for my father to simply appreciate that his son was capable of running, jumping and kicking a ball. He brought along a competitive spirit that was not only embarrassing but toxic.

I was skillful but I was not a naturally gifted athlete with any attributes that made me excel far beyond my years. I was playing in the year above and starting in the team but again this was not enough for my father who expected me to excel in the squad. I lacked in stature and athletic ability (speed mostly) and this would eventually lead to difficulties towards the end of my playing days.

If I ever get around to having kids, I will think long and hard before enrolling them in to a competitive sport / environment. The problem with competitive sport is it breeds a mindset based on results. The schooling system is also guilty of this. I would like this post to focus on the issue of sports although I also experienced major issues at school.

There is an argument for competitive sport but my overall consensus is it did me more harm than good. The need to be the best always critiquing how I played, never being satisfied and the game forever playing on my mind. For something that gave me very little it is very taxing on the psyche.

My team disbanded and I was forced to join a new team in a more difficult league for which I was not prepared. The game was no longer fun and became serious business with everyone trying to make it to the senior squad where money was involved.

It was a combination of life getting in the way of my dream of becoming a footballer and my own poor life choices. It takes a very strong willed individual to ignore the lights, girls & music and focus solely on the game. You need to be wiling to sacrifice for the sport. When I gave up on football, I started to experience identity issues as I felt the game made me who I was.

My dad only wanted the best for me, so when I started to act out and started to steal it was a shock to him and he didn't know how to handle my behaviour.

It wasn't until I stopped playing football and realised that the game had left me feeling empty and took a lot away from me. It also left me with a competitive streak that I sought to satisfy elsewhere. I felt deep sadness that my own stupid decisions had ruined my dream of becoming a footballer.

In my later years I have trouble agreeing to be part of a team, group or association. Football is not the sole reason for this but adds to my mental problems associated with gang mentality. It also brings out an us against them mentality which I don't want anything to do with. Keeping to myself has brought on its own challenges and I fight with negative emotions most of the time as I come to terms with who I am.

#self #Myself #Individual #Fear #solely #Responsible #scared #groups #people #Smoking #Drugs #Addiction #Drinking #gangs #ME #Sport #cutthroat #toxicmasculinity #goingout #lights #Music #Addiction #Depression #isolated #nobody #bymyself #Girls #Identity #competition #NotGoodEnough #best #First #winning #Success #failure #defeat #bottom #Fights #Life #Death #alone

My neighbor
They fight because the wife didn’t prepare food for her husband and the her husband fought her. That husband go to earn money by being a toktok driver when he arrived home at 10pm he find something to eat and there was no food for him. He said he’s tired because he earned money but his wife also go to earn money by selling some fruits at the local market. The thing is they both are tired and that husband fought her because she didn’t prepare food for him???? Why???? It’s unfair. Then his wife asked what did he fight her for??? He said to teach her a lesson and stop yelling back at him.????? What?????? Why women always stay under men???
Sometimes I think it’s unfair to be born as a girl. The are a lot more about that psycho husband.
#Girls

If anyone hasn’t told you today, let me be the first to say that: You are loved. You are brave. You are not your illness or disability. You are enough. You can get through this. You’re beautiful. You’re handsome. You’re worthy of so much. You’re wanted. You can always come to me if you need to. You’re not worthless. You’re not a failure. You shouldn’t kill yourself. You shouldn’t be harming yourself. It’s okay. It will eventually get better, I promise you. You can let go. You can breathe. You can be vulnerable. You will succeed. You are enough. You are enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. #spreadlove #ItsOKMan #WomeninProgress #Empowerment #Girls #MentalIllness #Disability #youareenough

I’ve though of myself as a nice person; a kind individual. Someone willing to go the extra mile for others and that is what I legitimately see in my actions and the way I treat people, I mean that sincerely. I’m just so #lonely , I’ve always lacked female #Companionship and long for female attention. The lack of #Sex in my life and loneliness I feel are the issues I struggle with the most. Today, I came to the conclusion that I’m sick of being ignored, in my opinion, women SHOULD be treated with respect and affection but quite frankly, they just don’t respond to that. What they say they want in a guy isn’t really what they want. So I’m done being nice, I deserve better than to be ignored and treated as a complaint box and a nuisance, I have needs. Sexual needs that I need to satisfy and If that means being one of the uncaring and selfish fuckboys they like, so be it. I’ve always been caring and compassionate with #Girls and it gets me NOWHERE. Crucify me if you want, but I think i deserve to be treated better than being put to the side and brushed off. Maybe it won’t solve my loneliness, but if it helps with my #sexual frustration thats 1/2 issues taken care of.

Expecations always hurts may be a old phrase but it worth phrase than anymore..

We expect love..attention..each and every emotion we expect from our loved ones..but when we didnt get back it hurts more than toothache lolz..# A girl who grown up with many struggles and who didnt have a proper dads love ..defintely expects more love from a husband..if it fails that was an very emotional killing inside feeling.. Girls can move on ..Girls can be strong ..will be strong..have to be strong..YES ..Girls can be strong beacuse they knew when man stops.loving her respect her hard work she have to face him& she have to love him more including his love she have to love her self and love her husband..YES..Girls will be strong during her childhood she starts being strong depending on her environment the people sourrounded by her ..YES she have to be strong to fight with her life..freedom...what to wear..how to talk..last but not least how to walk ..very funny these days..a normal.phrase aajkal sab kuch badal gaya..but not at all..aaajkal tho nahi after 20 years also girl will be girl..treat as a girl..#Girls STAY SAFE..# BE BOLD..#FOLLOW YOUR HEART#GO GIRL#

I've had such a hard week...my son will not come home and has been living with my parents and has gotten into a lot of trouble since living with then. Friday I have to go to the DMV with him to get his #restricted Drivers License. He lost his priveleges for having #Marijuana in his car. He has gotten in trouble at school too, yesterday being the most recent, he got referral to prinicpal for sleeping thru class & refusing to wake up per teacher. I'm doing better with #daily #ChronicPain but the emotional pain makes the physical pain alot worse! I feel like I'm failing as a mom and as a chronic pain patient...I haven't taken more meds or anything like that, I'm on a patch, but I feel like my pain is made so much worse with stress & knowing I have to be in court, at FMV, at school on days when I can't predict how I will be feeling.
I just need to say this out loud to someone besides family. I feel like my mom and stepdad are enabling bad behavior because my 16 year old never did this kind of stuff living with me and his father.
So #confused & feeling #anxious a lot. Panic attacks make my #ic flare up, and idk what to do. I have coping skills, but at a certain point enough is enough! Anyone ever feel like they're letting everyone down, even though they're not source of problem? I have been told that my son resents me bc of being sick...how do I react to that? How do I "change" that? My daughter age 12 a table the exact opposite about me and my #illnesses . Do #boys handle this differently than #Girls ? #Parents can any of you relate? #helpme # thoughts #flare #emotionalpain #physicalpain