Caffeine

America needs to take a nap. I'm sure a lot of other places do too, but I really think we're all just sleep deprived... And so hopped up on caffeine we don't realize it (I can't have caffeine, so I actually don't know from experience).

Personally, I feel exhausted trying to keep up with the world and what I feel is expected of me. Due to medical reasons, I can't have caffeine... "Have pity on me," I say. But the world never sleeps.

#coffee #Caffeine #caffeinefree #Fatigue #foreverfatigued #Depression

Photo from one of my walks

I have struggled for years with #diet cola sodas and chocolate. On again, off again. Also with compulsive eating since childhood. The overeating numbs but takes me to depression. The caffeine gives me a lot of pep and numbs anxiety initially, but then takes me to such high levels of anxiety that I feel barely able to stand it. Then I do it all over again day after day because I am addicted to it.

The sugar and caffeine affect my sleep. I know of many studies indicating that aspartame is very bad for our brains and bodies, as well as having a laxative effect, which also may mean that I'm not absorbing my psychiatric meds as much as I need to, as well as regular nutrition. I drink a lot of it, and I'm really afraid to 100% accept all of this within myself because I don't know how to let go.

The cravings and loneliness and depression...my mental health struggles started very young, and have gotten worse with age. There was a time for 2 years when I ate 3 meals a day, no chocolate, no sugar, did have diet soda but less than I do now. Rarely had depression then, but after two years of doing OK I started to go downhill over period of weeks and went into an outpatient program to get back on my feet.

I was also in very difficult perimenopause, and insomnia started then and has continued. It's been a mess, and holding down jobs have always been up and down with the depression and mood swings.

If you struggle with these, what helps you? How do you deal with intense cravings and loneliness and lack of sleep when even a CPAP machine and you don't work well together, and you've tried therapy and groups and classes etc to help with those aspects of mental health? I always take my meds as prescribed.

I would more than love to hear your shares. Thank you for listening and any experiences you can share.

#sugar #Caffeine #aspartame #diet soda #Depression #Anxiety #mood swings #Cravings #Sleep #compulsive eating #Outpatient #Perimenopause #Insomnia

I had a bad relationship with caffeine.
With my natural anxiety, this is a stimulant that usually make my heart and mind race too fast.
Reducing it's consume helped me a whole lot to become less anxious!

Can someone relate? :)
#Caffeine #Anxiety

Yesterday I was recovered from the Horrible Cat Vomit Storm of October 2021 and did well with my new checklist, but without the enthusiasm of Day One. Today I woke up so sore everything hurt, which was exhausting. I still got about half of my checklist items finished. All I cared about was getting rid of the pain. It was a 6 for me—so distracting it was hard to think. Plus my brother stressed me out by dropping clues that he plans to go looking abroad for his fake online boyfriend who I already proved is a scammer. He doesn’t care.

So anyway, yeah. That really cranks up my depression/anxiety/fibromyalgia discomforts. And there’s even more stress that I just swallow daily, so my nest makes a lot of very compelling arguments for why that’s where I should be. I definitely self-medicate with apathy.

But my wanting to break the apathy habit is also for me and my well-being, demmit. I have made my nest the center of my life now for three years!! I have been healing from trauma, sure, but I need more than this for myself. I have more that I want to do, so I am struggling through whatever it takes to reclaim my life—for ME! I don’t want to lose the ability to choose someday.

I just have to keep trying as hard as it takes to make this Apathy Toolkit work better than helping me be productive only every other day. The Daily Checklist needs adjustments. Honestly, trying to shower every single day feels a bit out of reach for me right now. Heh. Just trying to keep it real for the good of the group. I figure that if I force myself to be honest for you then I’ll know I’m not just fooling myself.

I revived an old habit of writing notes to myself in sharpie on my bathroom mirror (It easily comes off with rubbing alcohol or other non-abrasive solvent cleaner.) The picture I posted of it had to be on an angle so you could see the words. First a big red heart that my face appears inside when I stand in front of the sink. Near the bottom it says, “Don’t let apathy own you.” At the top is this: “Have you… -Brushed your teeth -Brushed your hair -Washed your face …today?”

Tell me about your apathy.

#apathy #Depression #lowenergy #Productivity #Success #crash #Fibromyalgia #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #tired #Caffeine #lighttherapy #DepressionSymptoms #DepressionNaps #MajorDepression #SeasonalDepression #Lazy #notlazy #nope #Emptiness #FibroFog #LifeLessons #LifelimitingIllness #getthingsdone #toolkit #apathetic #BipolarDisorder

OK, ok, ok… So yesterday I succumbed to old habits and let my apathy hold me back. That’s not unexpected. I have A LOT on my plate. If the new me can break free of the pillow-call of apathy for several days of movement and productivity and then I have to “crash” for a day… that is still so much better than hoping to get things done just one day of the week. I’ll take it!
There have been times in my life (when I was still young and immortal,) when I would berate myself for a pattern that was less than perfect. That’s a crazy standard for anyone to try to impose on themself. Now I am a wiser old bird and know to celebrate success in any form or duration.
After my two cups of coffee and a light therapy session, today I have a surprising amount of energy so I am going to get a bunch of cleaning done. See you when the dust settles. Here I go! 😉
#apathy #Depression #lowenergy #Productivity #Success #crash #Fibromyalgia #Depression #Anxiety #tired #Caffeine #lighttherapy

#ChronicFatigue #Fatigue #Caffeine #coffee #Anxiety

I make no apologies for my crutches I use to help my #ChronicPain , #Depression & #Fatigue . in fact I embrace them & am very grateful for them. #Caffeine #cigarettes #vitaminb-12 (I'd smoke #MedicalMarijuana ( was approved. over a year ago in April & even have a card ) but #THC messes with my #Schizophrenia & I get tense , intense, #stressed & #anxious , & sometimes even slightly #Paranoid . So I suffer taking meds for #Pain that are actually psyche #meds that hardly make a dent. (#Gabapentin ) #my Life #sucks so the ppl that #criticize & put me #down for smoking cigs can go to heck for voicing their #ignorant #Judgemental #opinions . which they so freely #Voice regarding my smoking & high #Caffeine intake. I am not afraid of #Death & in fact , welcome & #Pray for it, have felt this way all my life. Ppl need to face their own #Demons , faults & weaknesses instead of constantly distracting themselves by getting into other ppls business. I #ignore them . I am #Deaf to their assinine stayements. I #mentally float away & I do what #helps my #Nerves (I inherited bad nerves (#physical AND #emotional ) & that helps me cope with a #Life I #live as a #Prisoner doing time. It's just a waiting #Game , Just A matter of #time .