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Train of thought? I wish. Mine is a steel playground slide in daytime summer.
My borderline personality, PTSD, and schizoaffective are under control with my very strong meds. We just doubled the dose of the meds I take for my OCD.
But perhaps the worst mental health disorder that I have is the adjustment disorder. Every time I get a new diagnosis or meds, I do a fuckton of research. I won't eat, sleep, go potty until it's been at least 4 hours. And I'll do that for at least 19 hours per day for weeks. I'll frantically try cross referencing my symptoms and previously diagnosed disorders.
I'm having a procedure next Friday. I've never had it before. It's a lumbar nerve block. I've had cortisone injections but this one is different. It doesn't affect my BG. Cortisone makes me pop over 375 for 24 hours.
But I mention it because I haven't researched it at all. I am already on the high dose of imipramine. That might be why. It's not tugging the corner of my mind to go research.
I gotta remember that when I talk to my psych. He'll be really glad cuz we've been trying to get my OCD under control for the last 3 years. My fingernails are...mangled. But they're not all super short. Of course they're ingrown from being ripped off so often.
I'm gonna go through my clothes tomorrow and get what needs washed soonest. I'll put urgent need in my duffle bag. The rest will go in baskets. We haven't done laundry in over a month.
I have a bright pink raised welt on my abdomen from a testosterone injection this week. I sent a picture of it to my doctor. I don't know if she'll ever respond.
I'm hungry. But what for, I haven't the foggiest. I've got some really yummy Campbell's chunky soup. I like the steak and potatoes in cheese soup.
I made myself an almost identical to the real cheese and broccoli soup tonight. I microwaved a brick of cheesy broccoli. I put it in a bowl and I added some shredded cheese and a few squirts of garlic sauce. I microwaved it for 1 minutes to make the shredded cheese become conjoined twins with the liquid cheese. The sauce was thin enough to be considered soup but thick enough to be hearty. The only thing I'd do differently I'd add shredded rotisserie chicken and American potatoes which I'm not sure what makes them American but they're yummy. They would first be fried to make them crispy. Make it truly a hearty comfort food.
I was laying here kinda splayed out, half of me on my couch and the other half on a chair. My sports bra was being annoying. It kept bunching up against my chin. So what do? I started growling and biting it. Pauley is right next to me and she starts saying "are you a fierce puppy? Who's a good boy? Is it you? Yes it is! You're the best goodest boy!" And I gotta tell you, that was really needed. I need some puppy time. I'm so focused on my health that I didn't notice my cravings... Like when I asked Pauley to pluck my back hair and pimples. I'm touch starved. I also need some thuddy/stingy play time.
I want to do a really artsy photo shoot of me in my puppy gear posed by some of the really good graffiti around Detroit. I especially want to get pictures by some trains. I was thinking about getting a decent camera and doing photos of leather guys for a kinky calendar. i can set up a backdrop. I think I could do good work that way.
I also want to do a 22 photo series about the first 22 cards of tarot. I've got wicked ideas. What? Even the nicest green and white witches have a flair for the dramatic. It's gonna be naughty. Spicy, even.
Who thinks I should get back into making plushies again?
I think I might make an octopussy cat. It's gonna be at least 12 inches. I love sewing tentacles. I gotta redo my amazing dearly departed steampunk Cthulhu plushie.
I want to get shin high leather boots. But my feet are too small for good comfy adult boots. I have to lose a few inches around the ole midsection place cuz yup I like food.ive got 2 brand new gorgeous black kilts. Neither fits.
This year is about treatments and adventure. I'm gonna try to make new friends. I'm not really sure how but I'll figure it out at some point. And I'm gonna be working with my dermatologist, pain specialist, Endo doctor, GI doctor, and my eye doctor. I need to call them in the morning to schedule an appointment.
And I gotta find a new urologist and ENT doctor. My previous urologist no longer takes my insurance and my previous ENT decided to retire and shut down the practice. Didn't even ask me for permission. The nerve.
On Wednesday I have my IDEAL support group at 1 and a telehealth appointment with dermatology. On Thursday I have a phone appointment to re-up my food stamps. Then Thursday night I have an appointment for an MRI of muh brain. For as much as it does to cause such intense pain it should be paying rent. Then on Friday is the spinal nerve block.
Can I breathe now? Yeah it's a lot of appointments in a very short amount of time. I know I'll get thru... But I hope I prioritize sleep and coffee. I could zombie thru the appointments. But I need to be functional. And sober. I can get stoned on Saturday.
I've been moving around quite a bit more than usual for the last 2 months. I'm gonna try to do some walking at the mall. I walk at my own pace. I get sushi and bubble tea for lunch. I check out some shops in the mall. I think that would make me a very happy puppy.
#MentalHealth #DoingMyBest
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