self-love

Trusting other people can feel terrifying.

But trusting yourself after you’ve doubted your own thoughts, emotions, choices, or worth? That can feel almost impossible.

For many individuals living with trauma histories, addiction, or borderline personality disorder (BPD), the deepest rupture is internal. Somewhere along the way, we stopped believing ourselves.

When Self-Trust Breaks

Self-trust erodes slowly:

*When your feelings were dismissed.

*When you were told you were “too sensitive.”

*When trauma distorted your sense of safety.

*When addiction led you to act against your values.

*When intense emotions made you question your reality.

Individuals living with Borderline Personality Disorder often experience emotional dysregulation, identity disturbance, and fear of abandonment (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). Emotional states can feel absolute and overwhelming, which contributes to chronic self-doubt.

Over time, the internal narrative becomes:

“I can’t trust myself.”

Trauma Changes the Brain — Not Your Worth

Chronic trauma affects neurobiological functioning. Research shows:

*Increased amygdala activation (heightened threat perception).

*Reduced prefrontal cortex regulation under stress.

*Alterations in stress-response systems (HPA axis dysregulation).

These findings are well documented in trauma research (Shin et al., 2006; Teicher & Samson, 2016).

This is not weakness. It is adaptation.

The hopeful reality is neuroplasticity — the brain’s capacity to reorganize and form new neural pathways through repeated regulation and therapeutic intervention (Doidge, 2007).

Addiction and the Collapse of Self-Trust

Addiction compounds the rupture.

Substance use disorders are classified as chronic, relapsing medical conditions that alter reward circuitry, impulse control, and executive functioning (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). According to Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, addiction impacts the brain’s dopamine system and decision-making processes, making relapse a neurological vulnerability — not a moral failure.

Each broken promise can erode internal credibility.

Rebuilding self-trust requires starting small and creating consistent behavioral evidence of change.

What Rebuilding Self-Trust Actually Looks Like

1. Regulate Before You Decide
Emotional regulation is foundational. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), developed by Marsha Linehan, emphasizes distress tolerance and emotion regulation skills as primary interventions for BPD (Linehan, 2015).

Regulation strategies may include:

*Diaphragmatic breathing

*Grounding exercises

*Sensory modulation

*Brief physical movement

Decisions made from regulation are more reliable than those made during emotional flooding.

2. Keep Micro-Promises
Behavioral consistency restores internal reliability.

Research in behavioral psychology supports the concept that repeated small successes increase self-efficacy (Bandura, 1997). When you keep small commitments, you accumulate evidence that you are dependable — especially to yourself.

3. Separate Feelings from Facts
Cognitive distortions — such as emotional reasoning and catastrophizing — are common in trauma and BPD presentations (Beck, 2011).

Feeling: “He hasn’t texted. I’m unlovable.”

Fact: “He hasn’t responded yet.”

Cognitive restructuring is a core component of evidence-based therapies including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and DBT (Beck, 2011).

4. Understand Shame’s Role
Shame significantly predicts relapse, depression severity, and self-harming behaviors (Tangney & Dearing, 2002).

The Canadian Mental Health Association highlights that stigma and internalized shame worsen recovery outcomes.

Self-compassion interventions have been shown to improve emotional resilience and decrease self-criticism (Neff, 2011).

Replacing “I’m crazy” with “I’m dysregulated” is not semantics — it is neurocognitive reframing.

Implications for Child Welfare and Clinical Practice

Attachment disruption in early childhood significantly affects emotional regulation capacity and identity formation (Bowlby, 1988; Teicher & Samson, 2016).

Within child welfare systems, individuals often internalize labels such as “non-compliant” or “resistant.” Trauma-informed care frameworks emphasize understanding behavior as adaptation rather than defiance (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA], 2014).

Restoring autonomy and internal safety must be prioritized if we want sustainable recovery and relational stability.

A Personal Reflection

There was a time I did not trust my thoughts, my decisions, or my emotional reactions.

Recovery taught me something clinical — and deeply human:
Emotional intensity is not pathology by itself. Dysregulation without skills is.

Now, when I feel activated, I pause. I regulate. I gather data. I respond rather than react.

That pause is self-trust rebuilding in real time.

Conclusion

Trusting yourself again does not mean you will never struggle.

It means:

*You regulate before reacting.

*You keep small promises.

*You challenge distortions.

*You replace shame with informed language.

*Self-trust is not perfection.
It is repair.

And repair is evidence of growth.

BigmommaJ
#trustyourself #Selflove #MentalHealth

There is a kind of chaos that doesn’t just interrupt your life
it becomes your life. It’s waking up already tired. It’s carrying invisible weight.

It’s surviving day after day while quietly wondering when it will finally be your turn to breathe.

And somewhere in that chaos, many of us begin to believe a lie:
that our worth is tied to how well we’re coping. But worth was never meant to be proven by perfection.

“I learned how to survive before I learned how to live,
how to stay quiet in storms I didn’t create.”

When Chaos Becomes Your Normal For many of us, chaos isn’t new. It’s familiar. It’s what we adapted to as children, what we endured in relationships, what trauma taught us to expect. When chaos becomes your normal, peace feels uncomfortable. Stillness feels unsafe.

Healing feels like something you’re not quite allowed to have. So you keep moving. You keep showing up. You minimize your pain and tell yourself you’re “fine.”

“I wore strength like armor,
even when it was cutting into my skin.”

But survival, no matter how impressive, was never meant to be your final destination.

The Lie Chaos Tells You About Your Worth

Chaos has a voice. And it’s cruel.
It tells you that because your life is messy, you must be broken. That because you struggle, you are weak. That because you’ve fallen before, you will always fall again.

But struggle is not a flaw — it’s a response to pain.

You didn’t lose your worth when you became overwhelmed.

You didn’t give it up when addiction, trauma, or heartbreak entered your story.

You didn’t fail because healing isn’t linear.

“I thought being strong meant never breaking, but breaking was how the light finally got in.”

Your worth doesn’t disappear in chaos — it reveals itself there.

You Are Worthy Even Here
Even if:

1.You’re rebuilding your life again

2.You’re in recovery and some

days are heavier than others

3.You’re parenting while healing wounds no one ever tended

4.You look put together on the outside but feel fractured within

You are still worthy.
Worthy of rest.
Worthy of gentleness.

And if you need to hear this today, let me tell you:

You are worthy of help without guilt.

“I am learning that rest is not weakness, and asking for help is not failure.”

Healing doesn’t ask you to be perfect. It asks you to be honest.

Finding Your Worth in the Middle of the Storm.

Finding your worth in chaos doesn’t mean waiting until life settles down.

It means choosing to see yourself clearly while the storm is still raging.

It looks like:

1.Setting boundaries instead of explaining your pain

2.Choosing self-compassion over self-punishment

3.Letting go of the version of you that only knew how to survive

4.Believing peace isn’t something you have to earn

“I stopped waiting to be worthy,
and started believing I already was.” Your worth is not the reward for healing. It is the foundation healing stands on.

Rising Above Your Norm

There was a time I believed chaos was all I deserved.
That peace was reserved for other people — stronger people, better people.

But rising above your norm doesn’t mean erasing your past.
It means refusing to let it define your future.

You can honor the part of you that survived without forcing yourself to stay in survival mode forever.

“I am no longer just surviving
I am becoming.”

And if you need to hear this today, let me tell you:

You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You are not failing.
You are finding your worth —
right in the middle of the chaos you live in.

Choose Yourself, Even Here

If you are living in chaos, let this be the moment you stop believing that pain is the price of your existence.

Stop waiting to be healed before you believe you are worthy.

Stop shrinking your needs to make others more comfortable.

Stop convincing yourself that survival is all you’re allowed.

Choose yourself — even here.
Even tired.
Even unsure.
Even in the middle of the mess.

Speak up.
Ask for help.
Set the boundary.
Take the first step toward support, recovery, or rest.

You do not have to do everything alone to prove your strength.

You do not need to earn compassion — you deserve it.
And you are not weak for wanting more than survival.

If this piece spoke to you, let it move you. Share it. Save it. Sit with it.

But most of all — act on it.
Because healing doesn’t begin when life becomes quiet.
It begins when you decide that your life matters — now.

BigmommaJ
#Selflove #selfImprovement #Selfworth
#MentalHealth

Don’t be embarrassed by your tears. They are the beautiful rain that washes you clean. 💧💧💧

Original piece by @meaustin91

#Poetry #writer #heal #healing #healyourself #Selflove #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #MightyPoets

(from “Black Sheep” by MILCK)

Black sheep, cryin' those rebel tears
It's a battle to survive these lonely years
Black sheep, you live up to your name
You've been told for way too long that you're the one to blame

You never mean to hurt yourself or anyone around you
But trouble's like a curse, a curse you didn't choose
The house you're in is like a cage, the walls and floor rage
It's hard to breathe, but hard to leave

Look up, you’re not alone
You’ll make a home of your own
Don’t let anyone turn your unique into flaws
Yeah, you know that I love you the way that you are
Take those sticks and stones and make a home of your own
Every warrior grows from her battles and scars
Yeah, you know that I love you the way that you are…
Dear black sheep

It runs deep, it's insatiable
That hunger to be seen and to be understood
Black sheep, they call me that, too
I've wrestled with the dark, but I made it through
And so will you

Look up, you’re not alone
You’ll make a home of your own
Don’t let anyone turn your unique into flaws
Yeah, you know that I love you the way that you are
Take those sticks and stones and make a home of your own
Every warrior grows from her battles and scars
Yeah, you know that I love you the way that you are
Black sheep…

The house you build,
It will be safe and be full of light and space
You'll finally breathe, my dear black sheep

Look up, you're not alone, you'll make a home of your own
Don’t let anyone turn your unique into flaws
….you know that I love you the way that you are
Take those sticks and stones (sticks and stones)
And make a home of your own (all of your own)
Every warrior grows from her battles and scars
And you know that I love you the way that you are
And you know that I love you the way that you are
…you know that I love you the way that you are

#artastherapy #Music #Lyrics #Relationships #CPTSD #Autism #Autistic #ADHD #Selfcompassion #Selflove #Healing #MentalHealth

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder Every day I wake to a recurring dread of how am I going to find motivation to survive today. I have my coffee, take my pills, do some Mindfulness and try to focus on the lists I have created and what I need to do. When I just can’t face it or my emotions begin to overtake my thoughts, I turn to music. Music gives me life and encourages me to be my best self, just by the emotions and feelings that come up from music. All kinds of music but most importantly, music with lyrics that speak to my soul. I want to share these with everyone. #bpdmusictherapy #emotionsmatter #emotionsmatterbpd #Selfcare #Selflove

The Beginning of the End

I remember the moment my marriage truly ended—not the legal paperwork, not the final fight, but the quiet realization that the person I loved was walking away for good. It wasn’t a dramatic explosion, though there had been plenty of those. It wasn’t a single betrayal, though trust had eroded over time. It was the slow unraveling, the moments of intensity followed by unbearable distance, the cycle I knew too well but couldn’t seem to escape.

Loving with BPD is like living in a storm. One minute, the skies are clear, and everything feels perfect—like I’ve found my person, my home. The next, a shift in tone, a delayed text, or a perceived slight sends me spiraling into panic, convinced I’m about to be abandoned. I loved hard, but I also feared hard. And that fear became the third presence in my marriage, whispering doubts, fueling arguments, making me question if I was ever truly loved at all.

In the end, the love we had wasn’t enough to withstand the storm. And when it was over, I was left not just with heartbreak, but with questions—about myself, about my patterns, about how to love in a way that doesn’t destroy me or the people around me.

A Partner Who Tried—Until He Didn’t

At first, he tried to help. He saw my pain, my panic, my desperate need for reassurance, and he did his best to be my anchor. He held me when I cried, reassured me when I spiraled, and told me over and over that he wasn’t going anywhere. I wanted to believe him. I really did. But BPD has a way of making love feel like sand slipping through my fingers—I clutch too hard, or I let go too soon, terrified it was never mine to hold in the first place.

Over time, his patience wore thin. The understanding he once offered turned into frustration, then resentment, then something worse—anger. He started to lash out, to say things I couldn’t forget, to meet my emotional chaos with his own. I wasn’t the only one hurting anymore. We were both drowning. And the worst part? He didn’t even know why. He didn’t understand BPD, didn’t see the patterns beneath the pain. To him, I was just too much—too emotional, too unpredictable, too needy. And to me, he became something I both clung to and feared.

In the end, it wasn’t one fight that broke us. It was all the small misunderstandings that piled up until neither of us could see a way forward.

The Weight of the Wrong Choice

After the divorce, I was left with a different kind of pain—the kind that doesn’t just come from losing someone, but from realizing they were never the person I needed them to be. I had chosen someone I thought would stay, someone I believed could handle my highs and lows. And for a while, he tried. But in the end, he didn’t understand me, and maybe he never really wanted to.

The hardest part wasn’t just the heartbreak—it was the disappointment. The realization that I had built so much of my identity around a relationship that was never truly safe for me. I kept wondering: Did I choose wrong? Did I ignore the signs? Or was I simply too much for anyone to love the way I needed?

Divorce wasn’t just the loss of a marriage; it was the loss of the future I had envisioned. I had to rebuild, not just my life, but my belief in myself. And that was the hardest part of all.

Healing and Moving Forward

But in the wreckage of that marriage, I started to see things more clearly—not just about him, but about myself. I had spent so much time trying to hold on to someone who wasn’t truly holding me back. I had ignored my own needs, my own worth, in the hope that love alone would be enough to keep us together.

Healing didn’t happen overnight. There were days when the loneliness felt unbearable, when I doubted whether I would ever be truly understood by anyone. But slowly, I started to shift my focus. Instead of waiting for someone else to prove they wouldn’t leave, I began learning how to stay with myself. Instead of blaming myself for being “too much,” I started to understand that I deserved the kind of love that didn’t make me feel like a burden.

Final Thoughts

If there’s one thing I’ve taken from this experience, it’s that love isn’t just about finding someone who stays—it’s about finding someone who sees you, truly sees you, and chooses to understand rather than judge. And more than that, it’s about learning to see yourself that way first.

For anyone reading this who has felt like they were “too much” or “not enough” in love—please know that you are neither. You are worthy of understanding, of patience, of love that doesn’t feel like a constant battle. And most importantly, you are worthy of your own love first.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD
#Selflove

There is More talk about Self-Care than the Most Critical Key to Happiness and Great Relationships of all types——-“SELF-LOVE”.

With this in-depth look at what Self-Love looks like-for your own personal growth, I would like you to take an honest look inwards and determine if you Practice Self-Love.
If you’re not, or if you’re not doing all of the bullet points given below, don’t worry— “Each morning, we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”

As always, let’s have a great conversation about this topic below 👇 in the comments where you can use this space for your own place in your mental wellness journey. Not your mental illness journey— I am here as a friend to guide you through to the other side as much as possible—yes, that is where I stand, and the magic only happens if you let me—so how about more group members join in for your sake.

The Mighty friends that have opened themselves up to this opportunity are telling me and showing me that they are really starting to get it, and they are taking bigger, new, determined steps in their lives.

"Self-Love" refers to a deeper internal state of accepting and valuing yourself unconditionally, while "self-care" focuses on taking practical actions to maintain your physical and mental wellbeing, like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and engaging in activities you enjoy; essentially, self-love is the mindset that drives you to practice self-care. Self-Love is the mindset too that heals the pain and keeps you in the light, Determined to keep pushing away any darkness and to stop doubting yourself.

Key points to remember:
* Self-love:
* A feeling of intrinsic worth and acceptance, regardless of circumstances
* Becoming your own best friend - treating yourself with the same respect and understanding you would give a close friend.
* Be the love you never received.
* Includes embracing your flaws
* Foundation for setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your needs
* learn to say no when needed and clearly explain why
* Don’t seek Anyone’s validation
* Positive self-talk: Use encouraging language to speak to yourself, focusing on your strengths and accomplishments.
* Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings, recognizing negative self-talk and actively replacing it with positive affirmations/relabel upsetting thoughts
* Say something nice to yourself in the mirror — looking into your eyes & smile at yourself & say “I love you”and your name. (Yes, I actually stop myself to do this & it’s Wonderful)
* cultivate self-compassion
* Encourage Yourself
* Talk to someone you trust who *Has The Capacity To Listen*-and, Another Big Key Here is that ***Being vulnerable - completely honest and thorough- about what you’re going through with someone else is a major form of self-love because you’re taking the time to dig deep, regardless of how uncomfortable it is, And, on top of that, you’re showing yourself that you want to work out whatever’s going on with you***
* avoid comparing yourself to others
* practice gratitude
* Seek out opportunities for growth
* Creating a safe zone all your own is an act of self-love because it gives you a designated area where you can focus on your needs and emotions instead of other people’s. The key here is creating a space that feels good and peaceful when life is neither of those things.
#MentalHealth #Mindfulness #Selflove #Selfcare #Selfharm #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Trauma #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Agoraphobia #BingeEatingDisorder #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorder #ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #LymeDisease #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #AutonomicDysfunction #AuditoryProcessingDisorder #Deafness #ADHDInGirls #ADHD #AspergersSyndrome #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Addiction #CerebralPalsy #IntellectualDisability #Disability #Blindness #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Migraine #IfYouFeelHopeless #BrainInjury #MotorDisorders #MultipleSclerosis #RheumatoidArthritis #Arthritis #Grief #Loneliness #AnorexiaNervosa #Relationships #SocialAnxiety #FamilyAndFriends #Caregiving #CrohnsDisease #CysticFibrosis #AlopeciaAreata #Cancers #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #ParkinsonsDisease #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #POTS #Stroke #Diabetes #SelfharmRecovery #RareDisease #DownSyndrome #AddisonsDisease #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #ObsessiveCompulsivePersonalityDisorder #DissociativeIdentityDisorder