This past year I’ve struggled a lot emotionally , in a previous post I think I alluded to some of these feelings of lashing out and feeling resentful. I loved being there for others and helping out when I could but it was also taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. I was burned out but I didn’t know how to stop it was almost like I needed to feel needed and somehow lost myself along the way. It cost me too , I made friends quickly but lost them just as fast. Recently I had a falling out with a friend and it was ugly , this though had more to do with her than me but it basically ended in her accusing me of extreme paranoia, passive, manipulative , possibly schizophrenic etc. that’s fair considering she put up with me complaining nonstop about life...
But is it really though ? Considering that she was just as equally guilty in complaining nonstop to me as well when it was convient to do so and what’s more she didn’t even have to decency to tell me all those things herself but rather had someone else text them to me. So no , I take it back its not fair and she’s a shit but that’s besides the point.
I was blindsided and hurt and in the wake of everything that has happened with Covid-19 felt vulnerable and those feelings of resentment and anger only amplified . For a while I thought, “oh my god! Maybe she’s right !” Is this how others see me? I realized for me to even consider what she said to even to be true was ludicrous . Nothing is wrong with me and it took for her to end our friendship for me to realize and I need to to step back and re-evaluate and take care of myself so I can continue to show up for others. Now more than ever with this pandemic we need to be kind to one another and more importantly ourselves . #CheckInWithMe#Selfcare#Loveyourselffirst #EverythingsGoingToBeOkay #Bekind #Bekinder#LoveOneAnother #Itsoktonotbeok
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