Forgiveness, Trauma, Complicated Relationships and Catholic Beliefs #Trauma #Abuse #Relationships
As a trauma survivor I'm always told that forgiveness is necessary for healing, and yet others say that it isn't necessary. As a practicing Catholic, I know what the church says but when you have complicated relationships with your family then I think that makes forgiveness a little more difficult. I have no relationship currently with my family ever since I spoke up about the abuse I was enduring. They seemed to turn on me and I am still healing those wounds. I used to feel completely let down and invalidated.
I felt defeated and unimportant. I thought that speaking up would make things better. It did the opposite. Other than no longer being abused, I struggle to see the positives. Sure I have a loving fiancé that has been with me every step of my healing journey but somedays that just isn't good enough. I have written numerous letters of forgiveness to my abusers but always discarded them. I felt they either weren't genuine or I wasn't ready. However I have been able to forgive myself for not knowing certain things then that I know now. Yet I struggle to forgive my abusers. It makes it harder because the abusers are family members.
What are your takes on forgiveness? I do want to reach a place of healing and maybe forgiveness one day. I want heal so much that I cannot get triggered. Though having #PTSD makes that a little hard. I feel like if I forgive then I can move on. I know forgiveness is a personal choice but I just wanted some opinions. Ultimately I may follow Catholic doctrine and forgive my enemies but right now I am not there.